Happiness

I am hurting!

I know I should just let go but I can't!

It doesn't feel fair as I wouldn't dream of treating someone I care for like this why don't others seem to feel the same way and can use people to suit their needs as toys, playthings...

How can you tell one person you love and care for them whilst still chasing others? (do you really and truly think I am that slow and stupid?)

I am messed up...

I am hurt...

I feel alone...

And I really don't know what to do...

Revenge sounds good but can't allow myself to be that shallow.

Leaving and just disappearing seems to be the only way out...

But can I be that drastic? Or am I just being a drama queen?

I have just heard that I have passed the course that has pickled my brain (well not really) for the last year!!!

This course was the one I wanted to do when I left school but as it was miles away ... a bus and train journey each day and being a lazy but free teenager (no more school and all that) I knew that I would not go!!! plus I had a very healthy appetitie for the pub, which came with the side effects of hangovers!!!

I was in my first year at college and became pregnant (bloody stupid pill), but decided to have the baby although I wasn't with the father, and as I did not want to become a statistic (teenage mum and all that) I decided to live by the motto "I choose to have her so I choose to look after her" which meant in reality my life got turned upside down!!!

I have never felt as though I made the wrong choice but maybe that I hadn't achieved all what I could...

So last year I decided to enrol myself on the course and have managed to complete it as a distance learning thingy, despite having a full time job, a hectic hyperactive 5 year old and bless her I know its the hormones a stroppy soon to be teenager (12 going on 21!!)

But I feel so proud of myself and thought I would share it with the world as i feel like shouting it from the rooftops!!!

Woohoo!!!!

Could my life get any crappier?

Was stuck in work till half 7 last night and I've now been told that it could be even longer tonight...

What a load of old bollocks!!!

Aarghh that's better

What have I done?

It is a question that generally gets left unanswered, especially when you generally do not know what you have done to upset a person!

You may know the feeling...

E-mails go unanswered (or just stop completly)

Your phone calls and messages get ignored (mobiles are clever enough to tell you when you have a missed call so excuses like I never heard it, is pure and utter bullshit)

I mean what is the problem of actually telling the person what they have done to upset you even if the truth is not so pretty?

I hate spineless wankers, who enjoy playing on the feelings of people who they are supposed to care about...

I am upset and hurt by the way so called loved ones can treat you like shit...